I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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