We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My ATM looks so different sober.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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