Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
