love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
