I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
