hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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