when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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