i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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