there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
