"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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