Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
