So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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