Pants 0. Shit 1.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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