do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
