Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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