why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize