This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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