Don't you send me to vm
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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