sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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