Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had to cum in my sink.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
