I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
