i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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