M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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