Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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