It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize