tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize