She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
