im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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