That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
