she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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