my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize