forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize