My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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