I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
