Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You have to summon your inner elephant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize