Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize