I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
