no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders