you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?