I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My first STD was from a foam party
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.