ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.