Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.

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(917): My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting. http://tfl.nu/u7rx

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(704): View more from North Carolina

she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails

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(704): she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails http://tfl.nu/8gop

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(630): View more from Illinois

you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.

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(630): you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car. http://tfl.nu/fzr7

Replies (18) Good night (5512) Bad night (638)
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(850): View more from Florida

I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.

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(850): I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken. http://tfl.nu/xxkh

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana

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(780): He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana http://tfl.nu/rg2f

Replies (17) Good night (5560) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
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(760): View more from California

The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

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(760): The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too. http://tfl.nu/fqh3

Replies (3) Good night (3358) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
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(256): View more from Alabama

i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

dude how high are you right now?

(256): View more from Alabama

do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

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(256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc

Replies (40) Good night (11522) Bad night (1107)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy

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(920): We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy http://tfl.nu/hjxb

Replies (31) Good night (5435) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
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(301): View more from Maryland

The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.

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(301): The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend. http://tfl.nu/xomb

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(970): View more from Colorado

We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.

(303): View more from Colorado

Dude, its January.

(970): View more from Colorado

We're going to do the voices too.

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(970): We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots. (303): Dude, its January. (970): We're going to do the voices too. http://tfl.nu/k3gb

Replies (13) Good night (5231) Bad night (706)
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(207): View more from Maine

Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?

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(207): Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!? http://tfl.nu/bzp6

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(678): View more from Georgia

Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.

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(678): Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch. http://tfl.nu/rrk7

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(503): View more from Oregon

Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.

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(503): Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush. http://tfl.nu/eadi

Replies (2) Good night (830) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."

(301): View more from Maryland

That wasn't a compliment.

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(202): She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal." (301): That wasn't a compliment. http://tfl.nu/gg7a

Replies (14) Good night (507) Bad night (1957)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.

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(910): Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here. http://tfl.nu/sd9v

Replies (1) Good night (885) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt

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