It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Banned from zoo.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?