Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.