Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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