So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
