There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
