i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
