I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
