so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
