I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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