And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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