I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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