was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We have started to decorate penises.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
