I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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