She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
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So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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